Treasure Valley Fox - The Wicket Gate
I Am Not
“I am not a prophet.”
I am not Moses. I am not Paul. I am not Joseph Smith.
I am simply a man who was wired by his Creator in a very particular way. For most of my life I didn’t understand it and often hated how my mind worked. I was an extremely literal thinker. Ambiguity drove me crazy. I asked the “dumb questions” that others either instantly understood or were too afraid to ask. That wiring got me in a lot of trouble with teachers in school.
The same curiosity and very active imagination often turned me into the class clown. I just could not keep my mouth shut. When something could be taken in the most ridiculous, stupid way possible, it struck me as hilarious and I had to get it out. Looking back, it was a brilliant survival tool for a literal, high-pattern AuDHD kid in a world that didn’t make sense and punished questions. It gave me some control, some social currency, and a way to express the interpretations my brain couldn’t ignore. It was how I coped — but it was also just me being me.
After a difficult marriage where our wiring clashed, I escaped to the open road. For over thirty years I drove millions of miles criss-crossing the nation. The solitude and long hours gave me time to think and read deeply. I devoured a wide range of literature — from Dumas, Dickens, Tolstoy, Steinbeck, Milton, Orwell, and Solzhenitsyn to Christopher Browning’s Ordinary Men and Capote’s In Cold Blood. These works painted a sobering picture of just how dark, depraved, and lost our human race truly is.
I balanced that darkness with many thousands of hours of solid biblical teaching from teachers like R.C. Sproul, Alistair Begg, and C.S. Lewis. Later, Dr. Michael Heiser’s The Unseen Realm helped everything click. The spiritual realm is real and active. We will all one day be “elohim” in some sense — but not in the way the LDS believe. Elohim is a description of disembodied spirits and rulers. There are many such beings. But only the Triune God — HaAv, Yeshua Ha-Mashiach, and Ruach HaKodesh — is uncreated, inseparable, and the Creator of all things.
Get the identity of Yeshua wrong, and you are worshiping a counterfeit. That is why the question “Who do you say that I am?” matters so much.
Recently, after laying out years of observations to a mental health professional, she simply said, “You are Autistic.” It wasn’t a heavy label. It was confirmation. The very wiring I once fought — the constant pattern recognition, the need for clarity, the ability to see cracks and links where others see only solid walls — has purpose.
This “gift” is not for my glory. It is so I can quietly notice the places where light is getting through and point people toward the narrow way.
Hineni (הִנֵּנִי) — “Here I am, use me.”
That is my simple prayer. I am not the light. I am only a reflector. I am not the Gate. I only point to the Wicket Gate — Yeshua Ha-Mashiach Himself.
I have always been drawn to the Hebrew names and words. They fill in the cracks. They carry real, concrete meaning in a way that English sometimes softens or hides. My literal mind finds rest and clarity in them. They help me see more clearly and point more accurately to the One who is the Great I AM.
John the Baptist knew who he was not. That clarity freed him to point faithfully to the One who is.
I want to do the same.
I am not a prophet.
I am not bringing new revelation.
I am a fellow pilgrim whose mind was wired for a reason — to see the ancient patterns of deception and boldly speak of the Great I AM and the finished work of the true Yeshua.
“Test all things. Hold fast to what is good.”
— 1 Thessalonians 5:21
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